Have you ever been on an airplane where you were in a holding pattern either waiting for a runway to open up or the weather to clear so the plane could safely land? Many times I've had that distinct privilege in my years of travel. Just recently our plane was descending upon the Boston runway when right before touching down we suddenly pulled up and away. The captain came on tho explain that there just happened to be another plane on the runway so we would have to circle back and make another approach after a slight holding pattern. (Good grief - another plane on the runway? Who missed that tower people?). That was a jolt. Just when you think you are nearing the end of your journey suddenly you are back in the sky for a bit more travel time. Much like life.
Holding patterns and surprises are not fun. They test our patience and endurance. Hmmm - Reminds me of Scriptures - countless. So yes, life is full of holding patterns and that is where I am currently. Many have asked how I am doing, how treatments are going, when I see the doctor next, when is the next test, etc. After nearly four months of whirlwind doctors, tests and more doctors and tests I'm now in a holding pattern till November. Yup, November. Rather scary but must be that the doctor is confident that she doesn't need to see me till then. Right?
So here is a recap. Last scan determined that my tumor is stable. No growth, no shrinkage. My only form of treatment is a daily dose of Femara (aromatase inhibitor - i.e. estrogen blocker) with the intent to shrink the tumor(s) and affected lymph nodes. No chemo, radiation, etc. My symptoms (cough, headaches, fatigue, back pain) are improving and actually pretty much disappear when I am in Boston (humidity helps tremendously). My energy level is such that I am biking more (28 miles last Sat), started back on my Wii exercise program (though low level), walking daily and no more afternoon naps. Life has pretty much taken on a normal appearance.
Now the key here is the term "appearance". I look the same yet I am not the same. Nothing has changed but everything has changed. That may be good, that may also be bad. Cancer is now a forever part of my life and that is a reality that is hard to swallow. That isn't even a holding pattern because with a holding pattern an end is in sight. One knows the plane will eventually land. Then you can get off and walk away. There is no walking away from this cancer. But there is learning to live with it. And I will learn to live with it as I'm in the holding pattern till Nov. 15 when I have my next scan and doctor appointment to determine what is what. Till then I continue to hold on while circling.
