Blessings of New Life

March was a month of extreme blessings with the birth of our fourth grandchild and second grandson - Theodore Winston Budrow - my little Teddy Bear.  It was so much fun to get to hang out with his mama for 1 1/2 weeks while we waited for him to make his appearance.  Waiting is neither one of his mama's nor his nana's best traits but even prior to his first out of the womb breath (which I had the privilege of hearing - that soft first baby cry - incredible!)  he was teaching us lessons in patience.  Teddy was well worth the wait!

Patience - doesn't come easily to me.  I want what I want now.  Especially in this fight against cancer.  I want to be free of it NOW! (Okay -  maybe I'm delusional since typically stage 4 does not allow for that but I do believe in miracles and such was prayed for and over me about two weeks ago when I was anointed with oil - God is able.)  Yes, God is able but He also is the author and perfector of patience. So, as I develop patience in this battle I am trying to learn to be thankful for what I DO have and ignore or minimize what I DO NOT have.

Margaret Feinberg (author and Breast Cancer fighter/survivor) in her book, Fight Back With Joy, states, "Instead of focusing on what's been taken, find reason to offer thanks for what remains."  Simple yet profound.  Simple yet not real easy.  Simple yet entirely doable.  Rather the force behind my response of "Good days and Bad days" when asked how I am doing.  But to truly focus on what remains I need to drop the "Bad days" accounting.  So I try to highlight the good days.  "Had a terrific three day, three night run of feeling great!".  "I enjoyed a 10 mile bike ride".  "I had the energy to clean out all my flower pots and ready them for spring planting!"  "I got to snuggle my Teddy Bear and watch him sleep".  Focus on the good, the positive, that which remains. 

While driving in to work today one of my favorite artists was on the radio - Danny Gokey singing
Hope In Front Of Me.  I love this song - filled with lots of good and precious reminders.  My favorite line is "I might be down but I'm not dead".  Truly, focus on that which remains. 

Here are the lyrics in their entirety.

Lyrics for Hope in Front of Me

By Danny Gokey

I've been running through rain
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I've seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I'll be alright

There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me

There's a place at the end of the storm
You finally find
Where the hurt and the tears and the pain
All fall behind

You open up your eyes and up ahead
There's a big sun shining
Right then and there you realize
You'll be alright

There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me

There's a hope still burning
I can feel it rising through the night
And my world's still turning
I can feel your love here by my side

You're my hope
You're the light, I still see it
Your hands are holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I've got to believe
I still have hope
You are my hope

 

Yup, focus on that which remains. 

Life is after all purely a matter of perspective. 

PS - April will bring an update on the medical issues.  I am seeing a new oncologist tomorrow to get his perspective on my health as well as the newly released chemo drug that my current oncologist has suggested I try, seeing my that oncologist mid April followed by an appointment with the first oncologist I saw last year when my journey started.