Expectations and Disappointments Yet a Reason to Rejoice

WHEN THINGS DON’T GO AS YOU would like, accept the situation immediately. If you indulge in feelings of regret, they can easily spill over the line into resentment. Remember that I am sovereign over your circumstances, and humble yourself under My mighty hand.  Rejoice in what I am doing in your life, even though it is beyond your understanding.  

I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. In Me you have everything you need, both for this life and for the life yet to come. Don’t let the impact of the world shatter your thinking or draw you away from focusing on Me. The ultimate challenge is to keep fixing your eyes on Me, no matter what is going on around you. When I am central in your thinking, you are able to view circumstances from My perspective.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. —1 PETER 5:6
From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
Before I even begin to post I have to humble myself because I am having great difficulty formatting this blog. Type is off, spacing is off and words are missing. And I have spent too much time trying to fix it so that said, forgive the mess of this blog. Things aren't going as I want. You will get the gest of it all. 

When things don't go as you want - when things don't go as I 
want - I am learning to realize that most likely my expectations 
were too high leading to great disappointment. Yet I struggle to be one that is willing to lower the bar. 

You may recall that I had set a goal for May - be well enough, strong enough and faithful enough - to travel to Boston for the birth of grand baby #6. This goal
required a lot of tenacity with one step forward and two steps 
back as I endured radiation to my chest and back for symptom 
relief. The relief did not come without a price. For nearly five weeks my ability to swallow was severely altered yet about a week prior to my departure date I nearly felt normal (in the swallowing,drinking and eating department). I also chose to 
forego my IV chemo for a newer oral chemo that would allow 
me greater freedom in traveling. Again, decisions came with a 
price. This new oral chemo severely lowers my white blood cell count leaving me susceptible to infections and disease but I was determined and did everything within my power that was "right" to boost my immunity and travel smart. 

And I did! May 14th I headed to Boaton and was rewarded with an ontime flight
and early arrival. I enjoyed Sunday with my daughter and her family and Monday, May 16, grand baby #6 - grandson #3 - Colton Raymond Carballo entered the world and made this Nana very happy!  I was feeling great, events were falling in to place and I was here to help out and enjoy granddaughter Abigail while we waited for Colton to come home. I 


all these great plans for what Abigail and I could do while we waited and once Colton came home. High expectations. But Colton had a few medical issues that landed him in the special care nursery for two entire weeks - NOT part of any of our plans. Things had started out so good - what was going on?

And then bam! One evening exactly a week after Colton's birth I was struck with a high temp that landed me in ER resulting in a four night, three day hospital stay fighting pneumonia. NOT part of the plan. I had done everything right. Why now? Things were definitely not going as I had planned. I was one sick gal - sick in body, spirit and mind.  Major set back. My daughter now had a sick infant and a sick mother to deal with. 

At least we were in the same hospital and on the same floor. A small piece of thanksgiving. Though I would have rather been helping take care of Abigal as I had thoroughly expected to be doing! 

May has been a struggle. Pneumonia knocked me flat and several symptoms that were earlier alleviated by radiation are beginning to reappear. I'm discouraged, weak and tired. I really didn't think I was expecting too much.  But maybe I was. Maybe I need to quit setting goals and just be - depending on God to work it all out. He really doesn't need me anyway - I am fully aware if that. More so now than ever. 

So without goal,setting where do I go from here? Existence from one day to the next. Doesn't sound appealing or anything like me but maybe it is time to give that a try. When things don't go as planned - go to the ultimate planner. 

I may be discouraged in this season but I have greater reasons to rejoice. I made it to Boston for the birth of my grandson. That alone makes life and its accompanying struggles worth enduring. I love you Colton and am so thrilled to get to snuggle you, even if only for a few days before I have to return to Colorado.